OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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