I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
