yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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