i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I need a burrito and a hug.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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