i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.