I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
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Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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