happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize