it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
