Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
