Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
