im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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