ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
