Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
