yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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