my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
