I want to stick my p in your. b.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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