happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize