When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
