I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
