This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
