You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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