Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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