I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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