I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
