I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
