***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
