yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
