I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
