Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
