i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
