The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I love you. Go after that dick
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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