I am in a vortex of obligation.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
