My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize