I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
