i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
