my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
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