Can i not drive my cunt home
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
