so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
