just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
