i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure