all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday