So drunk, too bad you don't want this
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.