I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.