I'm eating all of the evidence.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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