she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you