Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
