You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize