24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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