i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
