people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
