what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
