She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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