Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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