I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
