I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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