Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
