her vagine was all disorganized.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My penis needs a shock collar
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
