The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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