This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
People in love make me want to vomit
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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