At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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