Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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