I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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