Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
