So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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