Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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