It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
