Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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