R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
