Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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